How To Cleanse Your Life With Unemployed Holy Water
The real reason I launched this publication and how it's going so far đ
I almost used the headline, âThis Newsletter Failed Right Out Of The Gate,â but decided against it because I think we all need to reframe the way we think about failure.
Admitting things that make us feel vulnerable isâŚwellâŚvulnerable. But we inevitably find safety in the form of thousands of âME TOOâs!â as soon as we expose our weaknesses.
So here goesâŚ
I got fired from my job a year ago.
The event itself was one thing but the sequence of events leading to my ârock bottomâ aftermath is nothing short of unbelievable.
I wonât bore you with the minuscule details leading up to âKristi should check herself into the funny farm.â Suffice it to say that woven in between the words below there are a hundred other little complicated details left unsaid.
It would take a 2000-word blog post to unravel the real story.
So, here are the Cliff notes on âThe Great Annihilation of 2023â
Last June, I was steamrolled by a pack of large dogs (my own included) at the dog park. This resulted in a fractured knee and a grade 4 tearing of my MCL. Having a job that requires walking 100% of the time meant there was no way to perform without the use of both legs.
No problem. I immediately filed for disability leave through unemployment insurance, thinking it would carry me for the few months I would need to recover. Disability pays nowhere near what I earned on the job but I had a little bit of savings to make up any shortfall.
About six weeks into my recovery I received my termination papers - without notice and without cause.
I completely lost my shit.
I was already running at a deficit without my paychecks and now, not only did I not have a job but I couldnât go look for a new one with a wrecked knee.
I hadnât felt so naked and afraid since I was nineteen and lying on a delivery room table about to become the mother I didnât know how to be.
I promptly consulted a lawyer to find out if itâs even legal to fire an injured person and found out that no, itâs not. So, I retained said lawyer to draft a demand letter suing for damages. The employer shot down our settlement demand almost instantly, which led me to file a human rights case.
And here we are a year later, the case is still pending.
I launched this newsletter at the beginning of September, 2023âŚ
Two months after the incident, recovery was going well but still nowhere near 100%. I gauged progress on my ability to sit cross-legged, which was still a long way off in September.
So, I started this newsletter.
The original concept for Wildhood Wanted was to encourage others to go out into the world and be brave while searching for their version of âwild.â Iâve done it my fair share of times, why not help others see the light?
My idea was to launch this project while searching for a new job. Then, once I had cash rolling in again and a safely functioning knee, I was going to begin road-tripping a couple times a month and go be WILD, dammit! Just like the label on the bottle of WILD pills would instruct.
But hereâs what they donât tell you about losing your job when you're 50
NobodyâŚand I mean nobody is coming to save you.
You can apply for 67 jobs but only 8 will offer you an interview.
You can attend 8 interviews and not get a single callback.
Long before your finances fall apart, your mental health and your self-confidence will.
And before you know it, itâs November and youâre a twenty-pounds-heavier shell of a human being sitting on your couch reading
stories that tell you to get off your couch and go be adventurous. All the while, youâre feeling like a complete fraud for trying to help other people go chase their WILD.And then your benefits are cut off because they donât last forever, your savings are gone, your human rights settlement that you thought would only take a couple of months is sitting in unemployed peopleâs purgatory, and the dog who started this whole runaway, flaming wagon wheel by knocking you out at the dog park, wants you to throw a ball.
Let me be the first person to say that you can TALK about being a badass all you want but when youâre running on absolute empty and burning on fumes? You DO NOT have badass energy.
I used to think âfake it til you make itâ was the stupidest saying on earth until I showed up here on Substack and essentially faked it every single Tuesday for months.
There. Now you know the truth.
Itâs a good thing I had a colorful life leading up to 50 so I had things to write about, because believe me, I have never been LESS colorful than I am these days. Iâm literally nothing but a beige crayon right now.
However, I did figure out how to cleanse my life with unemployed holy water:
STEP ONE: Take the deepest frigginâ breath youâve ever inhaledâŚbecause air is FREE.
Thatâs it. Thereâs only one step.
The moment you stop trying so damn hard to save your own life and just breathe, youâll see a little more clearly. The panic may not go away (trust me, I panic every day) but itâll dissipate just long enough to catch one more breath.
Rinse. Repeat.
A tiny, little bit of clarity can help you recognize possible ways to bootstrap yourself off the floor and into a chair. From there, you could try turning the feeling of fear into a feeling of freedom.
What are some creative things youâve been putting off forever simply because working full-time never allowed you the time? Do those.
What are some stories youâve always wanted to write but never had the time? Write those. Writing costs nothing.
What about your doggo that used to spend all those hours alone while you were at work? Go outside and walk with her. Fresh air is free and it comes with an extra large dose of clarity.
No, none of these things are going to save your financial life or pay your bills, but clarity can do wonders for the mind. By clearing your mind youâre making room for opportunity to creep in and youâre creating extra space to RECOGNIZE when it does.
Trust me, it happened to me.
Had I not started this newsletter and faked my way through eight months of Wildhood, I may never have definitely would not have met one special lady (donât make me tag
Sure, I still begin every single month at a negative balance, but I still have a home. I still have a mother with a spare bedroom if ever it came to that.
And I still have âThe Bone-Crusher,â more lovingly known as my dog. It must be true love because I launched a whole blog about her despite her propensity for putting me in a wheelchair đ
Financially, Iâm not even close to being out of the woods or even out of the danger zone yet. But the point is that I havenât had to walk into a workplace in one whole year now. And Iâm still ALIVE and supporting myself!
Love âem or hate âem, conventional jobs do provide us with security. This self-employed life is not for the faint-hearted and itâs certainly not a great experiment to leap into when youâre already in the hole.
I mean, I was scared to even invest $25 bucks a month into the business website I built. And every time I get an email receipt for the bills I pay to run this business, Iâm like, âWTF? Didnât I just pay that last month?â đ
Yes SherlockâŚwe all have to pay bills every month.
Believe me, there are mornings I wake up in sheer terror thinking, âIf I donât have a new client request in my inbox today Iâm going to shoot myself.â đŠ
But then I just breathe, I step out, and somehow the ladder appears every time.
If thatâs not WILD then I donât know what is.
PS: If you came here for the road trips, please holdâŚâŚ..
GuysâŚ.life IS TERRIFYING! I know every single one of you has gone through a time like this at least once.
This was me being completely honest and transparent because facades are exhausting sometimes. But I SEE you. Even if you donât say anything in the comments you might be nodding your head in solidarity.
Well-said. You can either talk about your desire to be a badass, defying convention, and creating your own path- or you just do it. Sometimes life just pushes you into action! Thanks for sharing your story.
This is so good, Kristi. I have been there. Still there! And it is exhausting! I admire your bravery in telling your story.