A Silly But Gratifying Side-Hustle For Writers With Attitudes

Ask people to give you something to complain about.

Every fantastic business idea starts with a story, right?

This one is inspired by my neighbours who neglect the crap out of their poor dogs in the backyard. They’re actually barking as I type this because…when are they NOT barking?

Here’s the quick backstory on this brilliant business idea (that you should totally steal if you have a healthy dose of snark in your bones)

This is NOT a dog business but you need to bear with the backstory for the full picture. 😁

About a month ago, I called animal control because these poor young puppies were left huddling together in my neighbour’s yard, fully exposed to the elements in a sideways rain storm.

Officers showed up, taught the owners the basics of humane pet parenting, and then left.

Great….for a day or two.

But animal control can’t monitor the yard 24/7 and the people still don’t care about their puppies. They bark non-stop from 6 a.m. to 11 p.m., and now it’s become a problem for me. I have a home office, a tolerance level, and loads of compassion for neglected animals.

But how can I tell them exactly how I feel without creating all out neighbour wars? And without having to steal their puppies and raise them myself?

Anonymously. That’s how.

This Anonymous mask will never get old!

Here’s the business idea 😂😂

Write anonymous complaint letters for people.

For example, I’d love to write the following on a postcard and mail it to my neighbours anonymously:

“Your dogs are not barking because they’re losers, they’re barking because they want your attention!”

You could design it in Canva, print it, and then mail it. Set up a website and sell your service of mailing custom-crafted complaints to your buyer’s address of choice.

You could even make it cheerful and seasonal (and snarky AF), like so:

I even thought of creating a whole snarky booklet in Canva about how to engage with your dog.

I’d create it in the most elementary picture book style and call it, “How to ensure your dog is NOT the one all the neighbours complain about.” On each page, I’d put one basic (and snarky) tip such as how to throw a ball, or how to not ignore when your puppy is longingly gazing through the window at you.

Then I’d include a map to the nearest dog park.

Or, you could create an official-looking pamphlet on “12 ways to make sure your dog doesn’t bark.” Include a bullet list of all the ways one can engage a dog and a QR code leading straight to a dog training YouTube channel. Cesar Milan is coming to mind.

But this doesn’t stop at yappy dogs

These anonymous postcards, letters, flyers, booklets, etc could be customized for ANY complaint to any person or business!

For example, my Hyundai dealership has absolute shite customer service. If I couldn’t do it myself I might be inclined to hire someone to create a pamphlet with 12 ways to not suck at customer service.

Or it could go the other way and write 12 ways TO suck at customer service? And at the end, you congratulate them on completing all 12 steps toward sucking.

Then I’d take it one step further and highlight the Mr. Lube where I choose to get my oil changed because their customer service ROCKS. I can drive right in with no appointment and zero wait time and get offered a coffee without exiting my car. And I can get my tires torqued for FREE!

To top off this masterpiece of a pamphlet I would include in the fine print:

“This pamphlet was paid for by one of your ACTUAL clients who thinks you should be ashamed of your customer service.”

You could set up your entire livelihood around asking people to give you something to complain about. They’d order through your website, give you a rundown of their situation and YOU compose the snarky, witty, or bitchy complaint.

You can handwrite it on stationery, type and print it, or go all out on a premium service like designing in Canva. Your job is to compose the message and send it to the address or business of your customer’s choice (with no return address, obviously).

I’ve even named this gig for you:

CustomComplaints.com

Complaintalizer.com

ChronicComplainer.com

TheComplainerie.com

ComplaintsFiredOff.com

Or make it a federation of worldwide writers and call it WritersWithAttitudes.com 😂 That name totally gives 90’s rap music vibes….WWA, NWA…they all have the same bad attitudes.

Although this idea was inspired by unfortunate real-life events, it’s a pretty fun one, no? I don’t know how a person would market this business but I think it would be a hoot to try! 😂

And for SURE it fits into someone’s idea of Wildhood!

PS: I’m definitely creating the pamphlet to mail to my neighbours. No return address.

Coming up with today’s idea was almost as fun as this one I published almost exactly a year ago today:

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