I Published An Unbelievably Crappy Book With No Ending

And hundreds of people actually paid money for it. 😆

Once upon a time, way back in 2011, I wrote and self-published my first (and only) book. It was nowhere near a bestseller but the reviews were five out of five stars, so there’s that. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

For the few hundred people this book resonated with, it was an absolute hit.

It was called Chronicles of a Shipwreck in Jamaica and the synopsis on the publisher page went like this:

“How a Canadian travel writer recklessly abandoned her cushy life in Canada and moved to Jamaica, in ways that she would never recommend to anyone. A humorous journal that details the build-up to a move that was destined to happen, and accounts of the aftermath of her decision.”

Several years after publishing, I took it down because upon re-reading it, obviously the actual shipwreck was me. The writing was garbage. Apparently, all the 5-star reviewers didn’t know shitty writing when they saw it.

I won’t lie, I cringed when I pulled out the Word document of the book recently and began reading through it. A little piece of me wanted to hug the girl who wrote it and console her.

“There, there, shitty writer. Everything is going to be alright. They should have been honest from the start and told you not to write it.”

Although the story behind it was my incredible life, the writing truly did suck.

Re-reading it was like watching those American Idol auditions, where the contestant is SO bad that you have to wonder why their family and friends allowed them to humiliate themselves in front of an audience.

I wrote that little ebook a mere two years into my travel blogging odyssey. At the end of it all, that blog ended up existing for ten years and finally retired in 2019. I attempted living and doing business in Jamaica twice more after writing it.

I’m so much wiser now compared to the rookie who wrote those stories.

Mostly, I forgot that I even published the book but every so often I was reminded by email when someone new made a purchase. Those poor suckers.

Not only had I pretty much forgotten about the book, I had also neglected it. A lot changed in the technical publishing world since 2011 and I should have paid better attention to keeping it up to date. Like, I could have at least updated the book cover because it didn’t even meet the publishing specs.

But the cover photo was pretty badass, right?

Me in 2012, the day I got a giant tattoo etched across my back and thought a saltwater swim would be a good idea.

The book ended with a cryptic cliffhanger that hung forever. No conclusion ever followed. It’s kind of like when my son was little and used to read those Goosebumps “choose your own ending” chapter books.

I could never write the ending because the journey was still happening, which is why I feel like now could be the perfect opportunity for a revival. The journey is complete.

I think it may be time to write the super extended, elaborated, final, hundred-more-chapters version of that book.

Why? There are a few reasons:

• Because it’s not just about travelling around Jamaica. It’s about the transformation of my life in the process, complete with the good, the bad and the seriously ugly.

• Because the evolution of myself and my life since those days is a novel in itself. I wouldn’t be here if I’d never been there.

• I am now of sound mind and heart and can write about my past objectively. It’s funny what we have to go through to end up where we are.

Having spent nearly one-third of my life — yes, you heard me — one actual third — focused on discovering and developing a single thing, it had become the longest committed relationship I’d ever been in, aside from parenthood.

What I’m going to do now is work directly from the first book, which was more or less written in short, bite-sized pieces according to specific experiences. I’d like to fill in all the blanks that never got filled the first time around and then extend it to include eight subsequent years in Jamaica that followed.

I find it very difficult to sit down and write something as monumental as a book because first of all, real life is happening at the same time. I need to earn a living, unless y’all would like to give me an advance for the next seventy years while I finish 😁

Let’s face it. I’d rather be independently wealthy and sit in a beach hut, pounding out novels like they do in movies.

Second, it takes so much time to put experiences in proper order so they make sense to the reader. In my head, I know how it all played out but translating it to a page is a whole other ball game.

And third, it is sometimes painful to rehash the past, especially when the past didn’t always work out in your favor.

I have no timeline for this lofty goal, although judging from the first book, I think it could take me the rest of my life.

My goal is to unleash at least one chapter each month as a regular part of my publishing schedule here at Wildhood Wanted. However, if I’m feeling frisky I may unleash TWO chapters in a month 😁

If I end up meeting the goal, you’ll know because I’ll be trying to sell you the book. Until the finished book exists, you can front me a coconut and some rum for sustenance while I work. 🥥🍹

Okay, this is it! It’s out in public now so I have to do it! And the best part about writing it online rather than in a book is…PICTURES!!

Stay tuned for chapter one….