The Most Embarrassing Admission I Will Ever Make In Public
The state of ENVY is such a shameful existence.
Envy is one of the seven deadly sins, isn’t it?
Never envy people, because you have no idea what you could be getting yourself into. This is a confession I’m embarrassed to make, and if the two people I envied ever found this, I’d be ashamed.
When I started my destination writing escapades long ago, I existed in my own little world. I was at the very top of that world, too.
I immersed myself in telling tales of my travels, winning awards, and corresponding regularly with thousands of fabulous readers. I took great pride in answering their questions and helping them plan their own amazing journeys.
Several years in, I received an email from a couple of young women who wanted to try the same thing I did — leaving home to make a go of living abroad and seeing if they could be successful.
They asked all kinds of questions, some of which were common sense to me because I was years ahead of them. They were complete beginners and I felt like if they didn’t know those answers themselves, they shouldn’t even be trying.
SUCH a bitchy attitude, right?
I eventually turned downright bitter that they were cashing in on my knowledge when I had to forge my own path and learn everything I knew from scratch.
The women eventually launched their own blog about the build-up and execution of their pursuit, then began documenting their journey.
I followed them because, of course, I was interested, but my interest quickly turned into “What the hell?” when it appeared that they were following an imaginary trail of breadcrumbs I’d left for them.
To me, their blog felt like an exact replica of mine and that their fans were mine. Literally, my fans were following them too. There began my inner fear that these women would eventually come out better than me, get more followers than me and ultimately surpass my level of success.
I had a few die-hard friends who jumped onto my hate-wagon, and we spent copious amounts of time in private, tearing those women to shreds.
Right this moment, as I read that last sentence I feel so ashamed!
I wasn’t an evil person; I was just a woman trying to pave my way in life, and not for a minute did I consider that that’s exactly what those two women were trying to do too!
I had blinders on, filtered by pure red envy.
Instead of focusing on my award-winning status and the fact that my journey was absolutely unique and different, I focused on the thought that they were copying me. In hindsight, I realize that’s not even possible. Travelling and writing are very subjective; no one can copy another.
But I made huge assumptions about what they would be able to accomplish as younger, fancy-free spirits compared to my older, more encumbered self who had attachments and commitments in the real world.
I actually considered retiring from travel writing because of them. That sounds SO pukey to me right now. 🤮
Looking back on it all, I realize that instead of being grateful for the fact that I travelled a hell of a lot more than the average person, I was hateful that someone else might get to do that too.
Total loser move on my part.
In the end, those two girls dissipated and faded out of the blogosphere within the first year. One of them moved back home to Canada and the other stayed in Jamaica, married the love of her life and began teaching yoga in high-end resorts.
I ended up writing forever — here I am, still writing.
So, was all that Haterade even worth the energy?
I bet almost everyone has a secret story of envy hiding in the closet. Care to share your shameful scoop in public…right here…right now?
Here’s an epic story from my travels that NOBODY could copy, even if they tried!
Excellent writing
Your sunset photo with the back boob and block butt----it reminded me of the old woman/young woman optical illusion. https://www.livescience.com/63645-optical-illusion-young-old-woman.html