You’re right, this kind of arrangement is widespread.
Unpopular opinion: There are plenty of Canadian gigolettes who have a man paying their lifestyle while the guy goes away to work in the oilfield. He comes home once a month and money shows up in the bank account.
I am so naïve I wouldn't know a gigolo if they hit me on the behind. I would be the one thinking this nice, super hot guy was wonderful🤣 However, once money came into the picture I would wise up pretty damn fast.
I'm curious if the gigolo folks are up front with their paramours or if they make them believe there will be more to the story? If they are up front with how the relationship works I say go for it, and well done providing companionship, but if they imply there is a deeper relationship that pulls on the heartstrings of a vulnerable person I don't think that's cool. There is bound to be misinterpretation but that's not on them if they made themselves clear.
In the many cases I've seen up close, the women don't know. Because I've also seen cases where the women have found each other (mostly via social media) and either ripped each other apart or conspired against the man lol.
It's a weird existence, that's for sure. And many times, the woman comes out of it heartbroken and destitute. Not fun to watch.
If the women are paying J for his presence and services and are fully aware of the limitations of this arrangement, I believe that is fair.
But if J is looking for women who seem vulnerable enough to " take advantage of ", this makes him more of a con man. I find this very discomfiting. Whether someone seems like they can be exploited, should not be the permission slip for exploiting them.
As a therapist who works with women and attachment trauma, I can tell you that often women who form attachments and spend life savings in the hope of being loved have already gone through a certain kind of emotional trauma which may make them vulnerable to choosing connection over their own safety.
I have clients who have gone through similar experiences, and are often unable to make life improvements or leave dead end jobs because a huge part of their finances were invested in men who weren't seeing them as humans worthy of love and respect, but women who were good to take advantage of.
Arpita, I 100% agree with you. Even though I wrote from a mostly humorous angle, in real life it was appalling to watch some women get so far in with these men.
There were even a couple of women I tried to warn them but they all thought "their man was different." It was hard to watch.
Interesting...the human condition is fascinating. Both on John's side and on the possibly naive, desperate women? Maybe not naive, just wanting connection, then giving their money away, and then being mad about feeling taken advantage of?! So interesting.
The only popular song I know about gigolos suggests that the profession is rather perilous and unimportant, so it's not an option for me as a lifestyle choice.
I feel sad for the women and men who are so vulnerable. I know I have been conned out of money, not for the desire for love, but for other reasons. It doesn't feel good when you finally realize you paid too much money for something.
1. you have no idea how happy it makes me that my story inspired you to share this here.
2. That stock photo guy might've totally worked on me.
3. No judgement here for John (clever name given the topic hehe), he played the hand he was dealt impecably and sex work is the oldest career and has its place.
4. You managed to figure out how to get yourself a house in Jamaica by being gigolo adjacent and I think that's one of the most brilliant stories I've ever heard 😆😆.
It’s all together funny and pathetic at once. Funny that “John” figured out immediately that you weren’t his prey, and pathetic that so many women are desperate to that degree that they can be taken for a ride.
I mean, it's hard to blame a guy for the stupid choices women make with their money — even if he's seducing them into doing it. After all, that's been one of the surest and only paths to financial independence for unprivileged women for, like, centuries, until very recently (and even then, only in a few societies).
One could argue that there's an inherent power imbalance between a man and a woman that makes what John (can't imagine how you picked THAT moniker, haha) does somehow worse than a woman doing the same thing. But that's pretty much wiped out by the power of the purse, and women who expect to be taken seriously should be careful about playing the "emotional female" card. IM (never H)O!
That was really interesting. I produce a podcast where an ex-escort talks through the index cards she kept on every client. We made the conscious decision to try to focus on describing and understanding the clients. Sometimes the work aspects are hard to hear, but the clients are the key to understanding what drives this work. I don't think these women would have paid for an escort, but in many ways they'd have been better off if they had.
Finding the words "the privilege" and "the disgust" in the same phrase on the context of gigolos is honestly something I was not expecting. But I'd be lying if I don't say I loved it (as well as the rest of the post).
It is also very telling about the state of the economy when gigolos and Only Fans are this common now.
Haha Juan, the use of privilege was sort of tongue-in-cheek humor. I can't say I wasn't fascinated but it's also pretty sad for those dealing out their money all the time.
And yeah, you're right about how commonplace it seems to be. People spend money on fantasy lives.
Yeah, I know you were using as part of the light-hearted humor for a post with such a murky subject.
I can relate with the mix of fascination but also sadness for this type of dynamic. (I'd also be lying if I don't say that I made an account in that OF site for intellectual curiosity and then delete it when I found how bad those "fantasy lives" can get.)
You’re right, this kind of arrangement is widespread.
Unpopular opinion: There are plenty of Canadian gigolettes who have a man paying their lifestyle while the guy goes away to work in the oilfield. He comes home once a month and money shows up in the bank account.
Are those the ones they call "rig pigs"?
I am so naïve I wouldn't know a gigolo if they hit me on the behind. I would be the one thinking this nice, super hot guy was wonderful🤣 However, once money came into the picture I would wise up pretty damn fast.
I'm curious if the gigolo folks are up front with their paramours or if they make them believe there will be more to the story? If they are up front with how the relationship works I say go for it, and well done providing companionship, but if they imply there is a deeper relationship that pulls on the heartstrings of a vulnerable person I don't think that's cool. There is bound to be misinterpretation but that's not on them if they made themselves clear.
In the many cases I've seen up close, the women don't know. Because I've also seen cases where the women have found each other (mostly via social media) and either ripped each other apart or conspired against the man lol.
It's a weird existence, that's for sure. And many times, the woman comes out of it heartbroken and destitute. Not fun to watch.
Alright, you convinced me (rolls up sleeves). Time for a career change....
🤣🤣 See!? I'm not the only one who's curious!!
Ha ha ha…. Not at you, but at the choice of career change!
If the women are paying J for his presence and services and are fully aware of the limitations of this arrangement, I believe that is fair.
But if J is looking for women who seem vulnerable enough to " take advantage of ", this makes him more of a con man. I find this very discomfiting. Whether someone seems like they can be exploited, should not be the permission slip for exploiting them.
As a therapist who works with women and attachment trauma, I can tell you that often women who form attachments and spend life savings in the hope of being loved have already gone through a certain kind of emotional trauma which may make them vulnerable to choosing connection over their own safety.
I have clients who have gone through similar experiences, and are often unable to make life improvements or leave dead end jobs because a huge part of their finances were invested in men who weren't seeing them as humans worthy of love and respect, but women who were good to take advantage of.
Arpita, I 100% agree with you. Even though I wrote from a mostly humorous angle, in real life it was appalling to watch some women get so far in with these men.
There were even a couple of women I tried to warn them but they all thought "their man was different." It was hard to watch.
I really appreciate your insight here.
Interesting...the human condition is fascinating. Both on John's side and on the possibly naive, desperate women? Maybe not naive, just wanting connection, then giving their money away, and then being mad about feeling taken advantage of?! So interesting.
Yes! It's sooo intriguing...and as I said, kind of disgusting at the same time.
Watching 90 Day Fiance feels so uncomfortable because more than half the couples reek of this type of relationship.
All right. Now, how to be a virtual gigolo on Substack?
🤣🤣 Step One: Grab a pen name.
Looking forward to your upcoming course on it.
🤣🤣
I smell business opportunities !
The only popular song I know about gigolos suggests that the profession is rather perilous and unimportant, so it's not an option for me as a lifestyle choice.
I feel sad for the women and men who are so vulnerable. I know I have been conned out of money, not for the desire for love, but for other reasons. It doesn't feel good when you finally realize you paid too much money for something.
Agreed, watching people fall victim is uncomfortable.
I love this sooo much. So much to comment here:
1. you have no idea how happy it makes me that my story inspired you to share this here.
2. That stock photo guy might've totally worked on me.
3. No judgement here for John (clever name given the topic hehe), he played the hand he was dealt impecably and sex work is the oldest career and has its place.
4. You managed to figure out how to get yourself a house in Jamaica by being gigolo adjacent and I think that's one of the most brilliant stories I've ever heard 😆😆.
Lmfao @ "Gigolo adjacent." Now THAT is a job title I can dig. Just be friends with them all and get the free meals, free homes, etc. 🤣
It truly fascinated me...and I didn't think of the name John once before using it lol!
Gigalo adjacent is so aspirational. Teach me your ways hehe.
It’s all together funny and pathetic at once. Funny that “John” figured out immediately that you weren’t his prey, and pathetic that so many women are desperate to that degree that they can be taken for a ride.
I'm not sure if I think it's pathetic or if it's heartbreaking. However, I tried telling plenty of these women but they just wouldn't listen.
I mean, it's hard to blame a guy for the stupid choices women make with their money — even if he's seducing them into doing it. After all, that's been one of the surest and only paths to financial independence for unprivileged women for, like, centuries, until very recently (and even then, only in a few societies).
You're right, it has been totally normal for women forever. It only sounds shady when a man does it.
And I agree 100% that women are fully autonomous in how they choose to spend their money, be it on "love/sex" or anything else.
One could argue that there's an inherent power imbalance between a man and a woman that makes what John (can't imagine how you picked THAT moniker, haha) does somehow worse than a woman doing the same thing. But that's pretty much wiped out by the power of the purse, and women who expect to be taken seriously should be careful about playing the "emotional female" card. IM (never H)O!
THIS line says everything >> "women who expect to be taken seriously should be careful about playing the "emotional female" card."
That was really interesting. I produce a podcast where an ex-escort talks through the index cards she kept on every client. We made the conscious decision to try to focus on describing and understanding the clients. Sometimes the work aspects are hard to hear, but the clients are the key to understanding what drives this work. I don't think these women would have paid for an escort, but in many ways they'd have been better off if they had.
Wow that sounds like a fascinating podcast topic!! I can imagine the secrets you learn.
Thanks, it's both fascinating and also there's also a lot of customer service lessons.😁. It's on Substack called My Index To Sex. Mitspodcast.com
Oooh perfect. Thank you, I'm going to check this out this week!
Finding the words "the privilege" and "the disgust" in the same phrase on the context of gigolos is honestly something I was not expecting. But I'd be lying if I don't say I loved it (as well as the rest of the post).
It is also very telling about the state of the economy when gigolos and Only Fans are this common now.
Haha Juan, the use of privilege was sort of tongue-in-cheek humor. I can't say I wasn't fascinated but it's also pretty sad for those dealing out their money all the time.
And yeah, you're right about how commonplace it seems to be. People spend money on fantasy lives.
Yeah, I know you were using as part of the light-hearted humor for a post with such a murky subject.
I can relate with the mix of fascination but also sadness for this type of dynamic. (I'd also be lying if I don't say that I made an account in that OF site for intellectual curiosity and then delete it when I found how bad those "fantasy lives" can get.)
Oh boy lol. I have yet to look into OF but I've heard I could make a lot of money with photos of my feet 🤣 There's something for everyone roll 🙄
You could get a pedicure and then become famous lol. Forget the gigolo lifestyle 😂😂