Til Death Of The Internet Do Us Part

Can somebody please launch this online club?

Here’s another wacky but legit idea for the fastest mouse-clicker to steal. The last time I put one of these ideas out in public, it only took 3 HOURS for someone to buy the domain and execute it.

The truth behind putting these stealable ideas out there is real-world testing because behind the scenes, I’m putting together actual biz-in-a-box packages and selling them. Thanks for being my guinea pigs.

Now…let’s talk about death.

Super uplifting, I know. But hear me out!

Last Sunday was Mother’s Day. My mom and I spent the afternoon at the cemetery, as did millions of others, I'm sure. We went to visit Nana, my mother’s mom. While there, we said hello to my dad and my other set of grandparents, and we carted my son’s urn along with us just to get him out of the house.

It was a full meal deal family affair. We should be earning (urning?) family discounts at Eden Brook cemetery. If only they had an affiliate program.

This is Eden Brook. I hope the duckies waddle past my grave when I’m there.

All the deadness in my family got me thinking out loud to my mother. I asked her, “After you’re gone, who do I have left? Who’s actually going to show up at my funeral besides Jennifer?”

Jennifer is my best friend and executor, but you can’t just have a one-woman funeral. What’s the point? Plus, she’s older than me, so it’s quite possible she could go first.

That’s when my mom said, “Well, why don’t you just start a club for people like you? Single people, people whose spouses have passed on, or whose kids have predeceased them, people who may not be leaving anyone behind but still have wishes after they’re dead.”

That’s when the name “Til Death of the Internet Do Us Part” popped into my head. I blurted it out to my mother and we had a good belly laugh out there on hallowed ground.

Somebody needs to start an online membership club for people like me. We need a place to make internet friends in case we have no close friends in real life to pick up the pieces after we kick the bucket.

Don’t even attempt to call this crass because when

Robin Wilding

and I went live a couple months ago and discussed how we have no real-life friends outside the internet, over 200 people joined the conversation. That’s not nothing!

I have death wishes!

What if I still have a dog when I die? I wouldn’t want her to end up in a shelter.

Who will know to place my son’s urn and all my dogs’ urns into the same grave site with me?

Who will know all my sources of income and reap the benefits after I’m dead?

And exactly WHO is going to tell all my Substack subscribers to unsubscribe???

Don’t laugh. At least one Substacker has officially asked me to be the grim reaper who informs her subscribers and shuts down her Substack in the untimely event of her death. After she asked me, I was like, hmmmmm….who would do that for me?

I suppose it doesn’t matter, but it sort of does if you’re my paying subscriber and no one ever tells you to stop paying.

So, can somebody please launch this online club so that we have an official place to make internet “til death do us part” buddies who KNOW that this will become their duty should we die?

I actually think this could fly if it was done properly. I bet there are single, retired expat ladies and gents all over the Bahamas and Jamaica and Portugal who didn’t give a flying F about who they left behind when they fled real life.

We need to band together worldwide and find at least one online friend with the fortitude to scatter our ashes or blast them off in fireworks, and then come adopt our dogs and take them home.

If you think this type of club sounds crazy, clearly you didn’t know that your ashes could be packed into fireworks because that’s crazier. 🎇

Anyway, I felt like this fun (possibly necessary) idea needed to breathe some air out in the open, just as I did on Mother’s Day at Eden Brook. I hope all the moms reading this had as beautiful a day as I had with my mom and all our ghosts.

Okay, spill it. Would you join this club? Would you want your ashes packed into fireworks? 😆 And/Or, do you think I should inform you of upcoming biz-in-a-box ideas in case you want to buy one?

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